He shot His arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I DARE to Hope when I remember this: The UNFAILING Love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Lamentations 3:13,19-22

Friday, December 23, 2011

Happy Birthday Liam

Happy Birthday Liam!
Even though Liam is celebrating his 2nd birthday in heaven and what a celebration that is! Its missing him that is so hard, especially for his mommy and daddy! Please pray for them as they reminisce of only good times. Pray that the Lord would surround them with love and comfort, that can only come from Him!
Love you and miss you!
Im holding the thought of Liam and Tate sword fighting (because in heaven they only have the coolest foam swords ever) in heaven with Granddaddy trying to keep these two little boys in line so close to my heart today. Sometimes its the only thing that we can do....imagine them in heaven happy, healthy and looking down us saying....don't worry!


Monday, December 19, 2011

Merry Christmas

I Hope every has a very Merry Christmas!


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Oh how I wonder...

When I think of my sweet Tate, every emotion hits me. I cry when I think of him not being with us BUT I also rejoice when I think of where he is. I had a friend tell me she heard this song about Christmas in Heaven. It took me several days to look it up. When I did a flood of tear came streaming down  my face. I will say it a million times....I cant wait for Heaven.
I wonder if there is snow falling on the streets of gold...
(Dont foget to turn off the background music. Its on the bottom of the page.)


Monday, December 5, 2011

I saw this video on a friends Facebook page and HAD to share it.
I am NOT a political person...AT ALL! If I need to know something about the government...its time to call my political guru, brother, Clay! But here goes my attempt to share something I feel VERY strongly about! PRO-LIFE !!
A child's worth IS NOT based on what the world (doctors OR government) think, IT IS based on what the LORDS knows!
If you were to ask me a year ago, (before we knew about Tates diagnosis) do I think it takes a strong person to continue a pregnancy knowing the baby may not have a chance of survival? I would have said Yes! But do I think Im a strong person...no! Not in the since of me, but in Christ Jesus, Yes! His strength has amazed me! All Glory be to God! Yes, it does take a strong person to continue a pregnancy when all odds are against them. Im not the giver or taker of life, He is! It was His decision when Tate took his first breath and when he took his final! People want to say "I dont know how you do it? I couldnt do it? Thank you for your strength!" Well Im here to tell you I am a weak person! Its Gods strength that has carried me through this. 

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

Thank you Casey for sharing!
If you are a mother who is grieving....I want to recommend her blog! What a wonderful story she has! I hope it helps you, just as much as it has me!


As we prepare for Christmas this year, Ive had several people ask, what do I want for Christmas. I cant help but think...Tate! When I say I want nothing from this world, I mean it! I don't want the empty things this world has to offer! All I want is heaven! When I think of how much I love Tate, I think of Gods love for me. His unchanging, unfailing and immeasurable love is so hard for me to even try and wrap my brain around. To comprehend that kind of love...its impossible! Sometimes I want to think- if He loves us so much, why did He allow this to happen. Im trying VERY hard to think- because He loves us so much He allowed this to happen. Its a process!
We had our family pictures done a few days ago....it was our first photo shoot without Tate. I cant tell you the pain my heart feels! We did NOT leave him out though! We held a picture of him, his lamb and half his blankie. He holds the other half. He is a part of our family and will forever be a part of everything we do.


Oh how they miss him too
Tate's little lamb and half his blankie. I kept only half ....so I could always hold on to it.
 I can remember the day it stopped smelling like him....
This pictures so sweet

If someone were to ask me - What is the one thing you love most about Natalies work? It would be that she knows how to step back and capture raw emotion.

 I was given an ornament by one of my nearest and dearest friends sisters. The most amazingly talented photographer Ever! It says,
-Merry Christmas From Heaven-
"I love you all dearly, now don't shed a tear, Im spending my Christmas with Jesus this year."

On the way to our photo shoot a song came on that I've never heard. It was on the local Christian radio station. I looked it up and to my surprise it is sung by the Goo-Goo Dolls. I cried all the way through it.
If you know anything about how I think of Tate, you know I think he would have been my blond hair and blue eyed little boy. When I saw the video, I cried harder. The little, blond haired boy playing a piano..... I have been struggling with all the "would have beens" lately.
I pray the Lord will grant us better days. Its been a difficult year for us, to say the least, but we have faith that He will carry us through. Just as He granted us time with Tate, I know He will grant us His strength, peace, grace and mercy to get through this plan. A plan He ordained for us long ago. Our Pastor said this in church today, "Anything you do that is worth anything is going to be difficult"- Tate is worth every piece of my broken heart! Because of this broken heart I have come to know the Lord in a different (better) way. I have wrapped every fiber of my being in Him. He is the ONLY one that can mend my broken heart!
I hope you enjoy this song. Just a reminder Christmas isnt about presents wrapped in ribbons and bows. Its about our Savior that came to this earth to save us so we could be with Him for all eternity. I know my little boy will have a great first Christmas! I have no doubt!!
I just want to share one more thing that I heard in church today...something I will remember not only at Christmas time but every day of the year.
"You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving"
(dont forget to pause the background music)

Sunday, December 4, 2011


Thanksgiving.....What a crazy weekend it was!!
It was by far the most different for me. We had a huge family dinner with Davids family. WOW what a feast! The kids played and played and played! After dinner we all made our way into the den. Every year, through out the year we all slip a note of things we are thankful to the Lord for and put it in the "Thankful Box." On Thanksgiving everyone passes it around and gets 2-4 little notes to read out loud. No one signs their name but we can usually pick out who wrote what. This was the hardest part of my weekend. So many little notes about Tate. Im was just thankful for our family to be thankful for him.
We did a little black friday shopping! It was crazy to say the least! I got alot of good things for the kids! I was heartbroken when I would come across something that I know Tate would have loved! I did however buy all the kids Christmas Eve jammies including Tate. Its our little family tradition. We let the kids open one present on Christmas eve, their jammies!
Thank you for your continued prayers for us and especially during the holidays!
Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!
Psalm 136:26

oh and by the way, the kids and I made hand turkey place cards. We included Tates foot on the top. So sweet!