He shot His arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I DARE to Hope when I remember this: The UNFAILING Love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Lamentations 3:13,19-22

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

53 Days in Heaven

53 days ago Tate went to be with the Lord. It doesnt seem that long ago.  Everyday I miss him just as much as I did the day he left. He was such a fighter. Hes been in heaven 53days.... I cant imagine the beauty or wonders he has seen. I know he is being loved on by our Lord and Savior and so many loved ones.
What is it like? Ive said before I wish heaven had visiting hours. I wish I could see what he sees. I want to know who he talks to. Can you imagine the conversations hes has with Noah, about his big boat, Peter, Paul or my Grandaddy, who I hope tells him all about what I was like as a child and David grandparents that tell him what his daddy was like too OR Jesus who tells him all the reason why he was born, and how much He loved him. He love him so much that He knew Tate would be a perfect vessel. I wonder if Mary or Hannah hold him. Does Hannah know the baby she holds was prayed for just as she prayed for her son, Samuel. I have tears streaming down my face as I imagine this. She prayed and gave her son to the Lord just as I did. 27 I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.”  Tates whole life, for 53 days Tate served a great purpose. I knew that everyday he was here, he was here for a reason. He was here to used by the Lord. He never said one word but he showed the Lords Power, Grace, Mercy and Love! It has been a hard road, and the journey isnt over. I wouldnt trade his 53 days or the 39 weeks and 4 days that I carried him or even this unimaginable pain I feel everyday for anything in this world. Being Tates mommy, even though it was a short time, it made be a better person and Tate is worth every bit of it. I wish with everything I have in me that I was still holding him. I wish I could just feel his skin and hold his little hands one more time. He fought for 53 days and now he is in the most amazing place where there is no pain! I know he felt our love but now he feels the ultimate LOVE! What brings me comfort and peace now is knowing one day, I will hold him for all eternity! So Tate, you just let Sweet Jesus hold you til Mommy and Daddy can. I will hold you soon!



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