He shot His arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I DARE to Hope when I remember this: The UNFAILING Love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Lamentations 3:13,19-22

Friday, December 23, 2011

Happy Birthday Liam


Happy Birthday Liam!
Even though Liam is celebrating his 2nd birthday in heaven and what a celebration that is! Its missing him that is so hard, especially for his mommy and daddy! Please pray for them as they reminisce of only good times. Pray that the Lord would surround them with love and comfort, that can only come from Him!
Love you and miss you!
Im holding the thought of Liam and Tate sword fighting (because in heaven they only have the coolest foam swords ever) in heaven with Granddaddy trying to keep these two little boys in line so close to my heart today. Sometimes its the only thing that we can do....imagine them in heaven happy, healthy and looking down us saying....don't worry!



Cricket~



Monday, December 19, 2011

Merry Christmas



I Hope every has a very Merry Christmas!

Cricket~

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Oh how I wonder...

When I think of my sweet Tate, every emotion hits me. I cry when I think of him not being with us BUT I also rejoice when I think of where he is. I had a friend tell me she heard this song about Christmas in Heaven. It took me several days to look it up. When I did a flood of tear came streaming down  my face. I will say it a million times....I cant wait for Heaven.
I wonder if there is snow falling on the streets of gold...
(Dont foget to turn off the background music. Its on the bottom of the page.)

Cricket~

Monday, December 5, 2011

I saw this video on a friends Facebook page and HAD to share it.
I am NOT a political person...AT ALL! If I need to know something about the government...its time to call my political guru, brother, Clay! But here goes my attempt to share something I feel VERY strongly about! PRO-LIFE !!
A child's worth IS NOT based on what the world (doctors OR government) think, IT IS based on what the LORDS knows!
If you were to ask me a year ago, (before we knew about Tates diagnosis) do I think it takes a strong person to continue a pregnancy knowing the baby may not have a chance of survival? I would have said Yes! But do I think Im a strong person...no! Not in the since of me, but in Christ Jesus, Yes! His strength has amazed me! All Glory be to God! Yes, it does take a strong person to continue a pregnancy when all odds are against them. Im not the giver or taker of life, He is! It was His decision when Tate took his first breath and when he took his final! People want to say "I dont know how you do it? I couldnt do it? Thank you for your strength!" Well Im here to tell you I am a weak person! Its Gods strength that has carried me through this. 

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:9


Thank you Casey for sharing!
If you are a mother who is grieving....I want to recommend her blog! What a wonderful story she has! I hope it helps you, just as much as it has me!

Christmas

As we prepare for Christmas this year, Ive had several people ask, what do I want for Christmas. I cant help but think...Tate! When I say I want nothing from this world, I mean it! I don't want the empty things this world has to offer! All I want is heaven! When I think of how much I love Tate, I think of Gods love for me. His unchanging, unfailing and immeasurable love is so hard for me to even try and wrap my brain around. To comprehend that kind of love...its impossible! Sometimes I want to think- if He loves us so much, why did He allow this to happen. Im trying VERY hard to think- because He loves us so much He allowed this to happen. Its a process!
We had our family pictures done a few days ago....it was our first photo shoot without Tate. I cant tell you the pain my heart feels! We did NOT leave him out though! We held a picture of him, his lamb and half his blankie. He holds the other half. He is a part of our family and will forever be a part of everything we do.









Pure....sweetness!!!




Oh how they miss him too
 
Tate's little lamb and half his blankie. I kept only half ....so I could always hold on to it.
 I can remember the day it stopped smelling like him....
This pictures so sweet
 

If someone were to ask me - What is the one thing you love most about Natalies work? It would be that she knows how to step back and capture raw emotion.

 I was given an ornament by one of my nearest and dearest friends sisters. The most amazingly talented photographer Ever! It says,
-Merry Christmas From Heaven-
"I love you all dearly, now don't shed a tear, Im spending my Christmas with Jesus this year."

On the way to our photo shoot a song came on that I've never heard. It was on the local Christian radio station. I looked it up and to my surprise it is sung by the Goo-Goo Dolls. I cried all the way through it.
If you know anything about how I think of Tate, you know I think he would have been my blond hair and blue eyed little boy. When I saw the video, I cried harder. The little, blond haired boy playing a piano..... I have been struggling with all the "would have beens" lately.
I pray the Lord will grant us better days. Its been a difficult year for us, to say the least, but we have faith that He will carry us through. Just as He granted us time with Tate, I know He will grant us His strength, peace, grace and mercy to get through this plan. A plan He ordained for us long ago. Our Pastor said this in church today, "Anything you do that is worth anything is going to be difficult"- Tate is worth every piece of my broken heart! Because of this broken heart I have come to know the Lord in a different (better) way. I have wrapped every fiber of my being in Him. He is the ONLY one that can mend my broken heart!
I hope you enjoy this song. Just a reminder Christmas isnt about presents wrapped in ribbons and bows. Its about our Savior that came to this earth to save us so we could be with Him for all eternity. I know my little boy will have a great first Christmas! I have no doubt!!
I just want to share one more thing that I heard in church today...something I will remember not only at Christmas time but every day of the year.
"You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving"
Cricket~
(dont forget to pause the background music)

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving.....What a crazy weekend it was!!
It was by far the most different for me. We had a huge family dinner with Davids family. WOW what a feast! The kids played and played and played! After dinner we all made our way into the den. Every year, through out the year we all slip a note of things we are thankful to the Lord for and put it in the "Thankful Box." On Thanksgiving everyone passes it around and gets 2-4 little notes to read out loud. No one signs their name but we can usually pick out who wrote what. This was the hardest part of my weekend. So many little notes about Tate. Im was just thankful for our family to be thankful for him.
We did a little black friday shopping! It was crazy to say the least! I got alot of good things for the kids! I was heartbroken when I would come across something that I know Tate would have loved! I did however buy all the kids Christmas Eve jammies including Tate. Its our little family tradition. We let the kids open one present on Christmas eve, their jammies!
Thank you for your continued prayers for us and especially during the holidays!
Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!
Psalm 136:26

oh and by the way, the kids and I made hand turkey place cards. We included Tates foot on the top. So sweet!



Saturday, November 12, 2011

This is not where I belong!

We were on our way home from grocery shopping and this song came on the radio.
I Love it!
Tate has made heaven so much sweeter for us.
This is my hearts song!!!!
"Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I will keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me."
(push pause on the background music and play this as loud as you can!!!)



Cricket~
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 1 John 2:15

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

There are things in this life that I have to let go of. Do you ever feel the Lord shut a certain door in your life? I do! Yes, we feel He opens doors but Im a firm believer that He also shuts them! There are things that have been going on in my life that have just caused me to hurt more. The book Im reading talks about "broken hearts are more vulnerable; they must be guarded more carefully!" When someone wants to come in my life and take all I have left... all I have to say is, Lord Help me! He hears my cry! He has shut the door and has held the key! "He will fight my battles for me, I need only to be still!" Exodus 14:14
Its not fair for me to have to put up with situations like this. I feel I can honestly say, Ive gone through enough. How dare you make your problem bigger than my son! And then expect me to come hold your hand when Im the one needing the hand held. Im hanging on by a thread (or slippy rope is more like it)! I dont want my heart to grow hard toward God because I couldnt handle the pressures of this life. I will "take heart, because He has overcome the world."John 16:33  I want to take it one step at a time. I can only focus on one part of my life at a time right now. I want to grow closer to the Lord because of this pain. I want the Lord to be the ONE I rely on. I want to experience His mercy more than ever!
Cricket~

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14
 I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I am dying from grief; my years are shortened by sadness. Misery has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within. But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying "You are my God!" My future is in your hands.
Psalm 31:10,14-15

 Its been very hard writing in my blog lately.  Im not saying Im a good writer by any means but I write from MY heart and I write what the Lord tells me to...no more and no less. So when I come across a blog that has "re-worded" my thoughts and my heart...I feel they are belittling my feelings. It hurts when I come across a blog that is using MY kids pictures for their very own!?! This is mostly why I havent been writing in my blog! I have written things that Ive wanted to post but because I fear someone taking them, I cant seem to push the "post" button. Im trying to push through my fears.
Its hard to write when I feel some "expect" me to be doing better. I guess this is the "people-pleaser" in me (thank you Mimi) The fear of failing is so prevalent in my life right now. I feel flat out guilty for grieving! I am so afraid of taking the wrong step. I have been on a mission to find the right book that helps me understand what is the "right" way to grieve. So far Ive found there is not a "right" way to grieve. Everyone is different! But as I looked down this LONG row of  "how to grieve" books (it felt like tunnel vision) I prayed that the Lord would put the "right" book in my hand and He did just that! On the back of this book it said " Dare to hope when life has let you down. Sometimes we just need to know theres hope when life just hurts." That seemed good enough for me! Shortly after reading it, I had to close it after just a  few pages into the introduction. The similarities that this writer and I have are unbelievable! First of all, we are both married to men named David, her baby was diagnosed with a disease, also incompatible with life and she had to feed her with a syringe. Thats how we fed Tate at first! But more than names, diagonsis, and ways of feeding, was that she felt she was bringing her baby home to die and that "hurt invaded  her life!" She talks about even months after the passing of her daughter, she felt empty and disappointed, lonely and sad! WOW! You mean a christian woman felt the same way I do? I guess maybe Im not alone, maybe its ok to "still" be grieving even though months have passed and some say "I should be moving forward." There are days I want to just sit and wallow in my pain! There are times I look back and think - did that just happen? Is it all over? Already?  Its seems as though it was just yesterday that I was trying to understand what trisomy 18 was. I look back at pictures of Tate and I physically ache! Let me assure you that my tears DO NOT show a lack of faith! When I lost Tate, I was forced to let go of all my dreams and live in a nightmare. I believe that gives me the OK to be sad and grieve. God does NOT dismiss my tears! In fact, He keeps track of all my sorrows. He collects my tears in a bottle! He record them in His book. (Psalm 56:8) In Revelation 21:4 it tells us that not only will He wipe  away our tears, He will remove all of the sorrow that caused them! I find great comfort in that! Even though I feel a part of me died with Tate, I know my life is in His hands. He holds my future.
Cricket~


Monday, November 7, 2011

HE SHOT HIS ARROWS DEEP INTO MY HEART. THE THOUGHT OF MY SUFFERING AND HOPELESSNESS IS BITTER BEYOND WORDS. I WILL NEVER FORGET THIS AWFUL TIME, AS I GRIEVE OVER MY LOSS. YET I STILL DARE TO HOPE WHEN I REMEMBER THIS: THE UNFAILING LOVE OF THE LORD NEVER ENDS! BY HIS MERCIES WE HAVE BEEN KEPT FROM COMPLETE DESTRUCTION. - LAMENTATIONS 3:13, 19-22

Tate, today you would have turned 5 months old. I would have made you cupcakes or cookies and watched as you played. Maybe rolling over or putting your feet in your mouth ... like any other 5 month old would...
I miss you so much it hurts. Today I thought of you in a way that I havent allowed myself to think of you. Mostly because its too painful. The kids and I were outside laying in the grass watching the leaves fall.  Kevin asked me did you live in the clouds. I simply told him, you lived far past the clouds....in the most beautiful place. He seem satisfied with that answer. So he went to play on the swing set with Allie. As I watched them, I thought....what would you have been like if you stayed here with me. Who would you be like? Would you be like you sister- a carefree and somewhat wild spirit or would you be more like your brother- very reserved, soft and shy? What would you have grown up to be?
I  KNOW the Lord never meant for you to be here one day more than you were. I KNOW your days were numbered in His book long before I even dreamed of you. I just wish I could have you in my arms. I miss you more than words could ever express.
Love, Mommy

Thank you Lord, for allowing me to be Tates mommy but oh how the hurt lingers, help me remember your unfailing love. Make your faithfulness and goodness known and more vivid than my pain!

Cricket~


Saturday, November 5, 2011

how much life can change in 6 years...

How much can life change in just six short years? ALOT!
In the six years we have been married..... We've moved three times, bought our first house, bought a mini van, had three beautiful children and had our heart broken when we had to say goodbye to one precious, little boy.  The past year has been the most difficult time in our lives. I think that as we have faced all these hard times we've learned to rely on each other and most importantly, the Lord. We have grown as a married couple, a family and just people in general. We are not the same people we were six years ago when we walked down an aisle...Thank you, Lord!!
  Im so thankful for David. He is an amazing husband, who is the spiritual leader our family. He leads by example. He is wonderful daddy, who truly desires to train his children in the way of the Lord. He is a great friend, always ready to lend a hand! He bears all fruits of the spirit! I dont think there is ONE person in this world that could dislike David! I feel so blessed that he is the one I get to walk the path with!!

David, thank you for loving the Lord first and me second!
(Hey, as long as the Lord is first, I can live with second best!)

~Cricket

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Another Blog

I started another blog. Our Life In Pictures. This is a blog just for pictures. Uploading pictures to 2 different places is quite time consuming. Sometimes I forget to update pictures on my blog and facebook says I cant upload anymore pictures to my Tate file. Hopefully this will work out! I Love taking pictures of our family! I hope you enjoy it!



Our Life In Pictures
There is also a link on the right hand side of the screen with this yellow picture! Click on it at anytime to see what new (or old) pictures I have posted!
 It has been brought to my attention that our family pictures were being used by another blogger. Someone was using my pictures as their own! So in my attempt to protect my family I will have to put a watermark on all my pictures. Sorry if its annoying but it had to be done. I had to send and email to this person and file a complaint through Blogspot.com. So after almost 2 weeks of back and forth emailing and aggravation, the problem has been fixed! I hope this works!

Cricket~

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Still here....

Well its been a crazy couple of weeks....to say the least. We have been so busy with Kevins school, fall festivals, school and church programs, field trip and funerals...... I feel so bad that I havent blogged in a while. Im going to try harder to get back into it. This grieving process has really taken a toll on me.
I have so many pictures of all the things we have done. I hope to post them soon. But until then thanks for keeping up with us and praying for us. We really appreciate it.
Cricket~

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Candle Light

Candle Light for all the sweet, sweet babies that we miss!
~Tate~
~Levi~
~Eli~
~Liam~
~Faith~
~Haley Joe~

See you soon!

Cricket~
Sweet, little Levi went to be with Jesus last night. I cant tell you how my heart breaks for this precious family! There is no greater pain! I pray that the Lord would give them peace and comfort that only He can give.


Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Through my tears and broken heart I will always cherish Tates 53 days. My heart breaks for my friend Becca. Please continue to pray for Becca and Micheal as they start this new journey.
Levi and Tate, thank you for changing our lives and so many, many others. Even when we dont understand and we ache at the though of you not being here, we know that you both were chosen to serve a mighty purpose for our Mighty God.
What perfect and brave vessels you were. 
Levi and Tate are running on Golden street, splashing in the crystal sea, and being held by His nail scared hands.
We love you and we'll see you soon!
 

There are so many families that are facing the difficult task of living without their precious little one!

Liam, we miss you so much! I hope you and Tate are having the best time together. We will hold you in our hearts for the rest of our lives. It seems time goes by so slow when we think of how much we miss you and want to hold you again, but until we are together for all eternity, we will try and walk this hard road without you. Thank you for the amazing but far too short lives you lived. I would not be the person I am today without you sweet little boys!

Cricket-

Thursday, October 13, 2011

what gets me through a day




What gets me through a day! The sweetest nurse that was in the room the day Tate was born. She saw first hand, the miracle Tate was. She is furthering her education and thinks of Tate as she pushes through the difficult task of test after test! Thank you Meredith for remembering Tate the way I feel he should be remembered. Seeing in a medical perspective that he was a miracle. That he did conquer those obstacles. Obstacles that were never supposed to happen, but by the Grace of God he did. You will be AMAZING!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
Cricket-


"Just a little reminder that miracles happen everyday. Baby Tate's story gives me inspiration to keep my chin up, because the obstacles I am facing are small compared to the one's he conquered. RN here I come!"
Meredith-

The doctors and nurses that helped us on the Tate was born will forever be apart of the wonderful memories I have of my son!
Thank you!

Little Levi

I am asking you, more like begging you for your prayers. This Sweet Family is facing so much right now. The odds are against them but the Lord is on their side. Please pray that the Lord would work in a Mighty way for Little Levi. He has come such a long way. Pray for his mommy and daddy also. They have been so strong and faithful. Praying without ceasing!  

This is precious, sweet Levi and his family! He is a little missionary. He is truly proving the Lord is in control!
Pray for this family! You can see his proud, big brother!

Cricket-

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Change

Hey everyone! Just a quick update. I no longer will have "The Southern Cricket" name. My blog will be "Granted 53".
So if you type in thesoutherncricket my blog will not come up. You have to type in  http://www.babytategranted53.blogspot.com/

I just want my blog to be about this new life that Im trying to walk without Tate. This new life that the Lord is leading, its hard but with His help I will survive it. Join me as I search for "the joy that comes in the morning." Im going to be honest and tell you there are days (lots of days) that its hard to find any joy in it but with the Lords guidance and direction He will restore me. Im reading a book called HOPE. Written by Nancy Guthrie, a mother that has gone through the same things that David and I have but she faced it twice. I know God put this book in my hand! 
Thank you for wanting to share in the journey.
-Cricket

OH, Give me back my joy again; you have broken me-Now let me rejoice. Restore to me again the joy of your salvation, and make me willing to obey you.
Psalm 51:8,12

Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.
2 Corinthians 6:10

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm34:18

The pain turned you to God
2 Corinthians 7:9

Monday, October 10, 2011

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awarness Day

Alot of people do not realize that October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. There are parents all over the world that come together on October 15 to show that even though our babies were here a short time, they mattered. David and I will be going to the Birmingham Botanical Gardens to walk in memory of Tate. We hope to meet other families that face daily struggles just like ours. Some days its very hard to put one foot in front of the other but on October 16th I will walk for my son, Tate.
Who will you walk for?

 13 For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Proverbs 139:13-16

Im so tired of trying to make it day to day without Tate. Im so tired of looking in his bed and him not there, Im tired of not sleeping at night because I have empty arms. When Tate was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, I thought, God why? Why us? Why my son? But over time I felt God had given us a peace.  We felt such a peace over everything that happened with my pregnancy, his birth and his 53 days of life, but today as I layed in bed while David took the kids to church, I just thought I HATE THIS! I WANT MY SON BACK! I know he served a great purpose but I WANT HIM!! I lay awake every night thinking of how much I miss Tate. Its an every day struggle to breathe without him. But as I type this out I am BROKEN. This gets harder and harder everyday! I feel we are still walking that valley. I dont know if I coming out of the storm or if still walking through it.
 I am thankful for my wonderful husband. He holds me together when I fall apart. He helps with the kids when I just need to go and cry it out to God. I dont want to think about where I would be without him.
I am a completely different person than who I was before we started this journey.

 There is a time for everything:

1 There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:
 2 a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 6 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,  
 8 a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace. 
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

 Its my time mourn for my son but its Tates time to DANCE with the angels!






Cricket-

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A Box Of Cake Mix

How can a box of cake mix make me cry like this?
This box was to be Tates 8th week birthday cake. Every week the kids and I tried to come up with different and fun ways to celebrate Tates weekly birthdays. Every Monday night we would make a plan of what we were going to do. Some weeks we did cookies, cupcakes and his 7th week Gigi make him (us) a pound cake. It gave the kids something to do for Tate. No matter how awful it turned out, the kids did it for their baby brother! It was time I got to spend with them.
Every day I look into the kitchen cabinet and I see this unused cake mix. I cant seem to even move it! I wont throw it out and I cant bring myself to make it. I just look at it and it makes me sad. Tate was 7 weeks and 4 days old when he left. He was so close to his 8th week birthday!
There are so many thing that I cant seem to move. There are 3 little bottles with formula in the fridge that were for his next feeding. They are still in the fridge in the same spot I put them when I made them that day. I have tons of diapers and formula that Tate never used that I have packed up in the car to take to Save-A-Life and I have gone out to the car every time and brought them back in the house. I want to give them to help with donations but I cant seem to do it. I will soon.  
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for our family!

Psalm 34:18 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted;
      he rescues those whose spirits are crushed


Week 1

Week 2

Week 3


Week 4
Tate and Daddys birthday!
Sometimes friends or family would bring us a cake to help celebrate. Both David and I shared birthdays with Tate.

Week 5
I look so bad. I just got home from Liams funeral. He was the sweetest little boy. It was the first time I had ever been away from Tate.  Its amazes how many emotions I had that day.  Tate and Liam, I know are playing together right now.


Week 6
Tate and mommys birthday. 6 weeks and 26 year old

Week 7
I cant find our family picture fo week 7. I have looked and look. I will find it and post it later.


Week 7.
What a beautiful baby boy!


Helping Mommy Make Baby Tates Cakes and Cookies!







Sunday, September 25, 2011

One year ago today

One year ago David had a church softball game. He went straight to the game after work. The kids and I stayed home because the game wouldnt be over til late. David called after the game was over to say he was headed home. I told him I had a surprise for him when he got back. When he walked in the door he wasnt really thinking about the surprise, he just kissed me on my check and headed towards the shower.....As soon as he shut the door he said (with a low toned voice) c-r-i-c-k-e-t.... I just sat calmly on the couch as he REopened the door with full force! You see I had left the pregnancy test on the counter. He came in the den where I was just sitting...He had it in his hand, waiting for me to explain. I said "oh yeah..... WE"RE GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!!!" We were so excited! In the midst of our excitement, we woke the kids! We told them they were getting another baby sister or brother! They as any 1 and 4 year would act...they were happy but ready for bed. We put them back to bed and sat of the couch. We talked for hours about doctors appointments, what we thought the due date was, if it would be a boy or a girl, names, how the kidswould act with a new baby around... everything newly expectant parents talk about! While nothing happened like we thought it would, the Lord blessed us with Tate. No matter how different things turned out, the Lord knew even before I was pregnant, what Tates life would be like!
Its very hard to imagine what this next year will like. All his first without him are going to be extremely hard! But we have faith that the Lord will carry us through them all!

 13 For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book    before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—


Cricket~

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

53 Days in Heaven

53 days ago Tate went to be with the Lord. It doesnt seem that long ago.  Everyday I miss him just as much as I did the day he left. He was such a fighter. Hes been in heaven 53days.... I cant imagine the beauty or wonders he has seen. I know he is being loved on by our Lord and Savior and so many loved ones.
What is it like? Ive said before I wish heaven had visiting hours. I wish I could see what he sees. I want to know who he talks to. Can you imagine the conversations hes has with Noah, about his big boat, Peter, Paul or my Grandaddy, who I hope tells him all about what I was like as a child and David grandparents that tell him what his daddy was like too OR Jesus who tells him all the reason why he was born, and how much He loved him. He love him so much that He knew Tate would be a perfect vessel. I wonder if Mary or Hannah hold him. Does Hannah know the baby she holds was prayed for just as she prayed for her son, Samuel. I have tears streaming down my face as I imagine this. She prayed and gave her son to the Lord just as I did. 27 I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. 28 So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord.”  Tates whole life, for 53 days Tate served a great purpose. I knew that everyday he was here, he was here for a reason. He was here to used by the Lord. He never said one word but he showed the Lords Power, Grace, Mercy and Love! It has been a hard road, and the journey isnt over. I wouldnt trade his 53 days or the 39 weeks and 4 days that I carried him or even this unimaginable pain I feel everyday for anything in this world. Being Tates mommy, even though it was a short time, it made be a better person and Tate is worth every bit of it. I wish with everything I have in me that I was still holding him. I wish I could just feel his skin and hold his little hands one more time. He fought for 53 days and now he is in the most amazing place where there is no pain! I know he felt our love but now he feels the ultimate LOVE! What brings me comfort and peace now is knowing one day, I will hold him for all eternity! So Tate, you just let Sweet Jesus hold you til Mommy and Daddy can. I will hold you soon!


Cricket~

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Tates Bracelets

About a week ago I ordered some awareness rubber bracelets for David and I to wear with Tates name on them. I ended up ordering about 100! I posted on Facebook that I would be ordering them and everyone said they would love to have one or two...or ten! It really touched my heart that everyone wanted a bracelet. I got them in the mail yesterday! I was afraid that they wouldnt turn out right BUT they look great! I ordered light blue (trisomy-18 awareness) and Navy. 
The front says: Baby Tate and the Back says: granted 53





I even ordered some small enough for the kids to wear!

~Cricket

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Family

I was listening my 70's and 80's music and I was reminded of summers spent at my Mimi and Granddaddys in Dothan. All those mornings looking out the windows while eating breakfast and Mimi calling granddaddy saying - Ed, cows are out again, driving the red truck with granddaddy, walking a million miles up and down that dirt drive way, trying to keep up with my brother Chase and cousin Josh, jumping fences and playing in the field next to the house in Montgomery, talking all night about who knows what with Mallorie and Courtney, Brooke trying to keeping us in line, going to Water World, having Cam, Ryan, Josh, Chase and Granddady make you laugh til you pee your pants..... I miss those days! I miss sitting around the table, hearing old stories about my Gran leaving her sister on the porch naked because my Gran waits for no one. I never get tired of that one! Spending the night at Grans (because Im sure Mimi needed at break from all us crazy grandkids) trying to sit her awful green couch that was made out of this slick fabric, that you slid off of every time you tried sitting on it. I want that couch! Mimi telling us, in her sweet voice, beds were for sleeping not for sitting. No naps in the day! Now that I have kids, I understand why that is. I understand alot of things. I learned so much from them before I understood I needed it. I look back on all the advice that I didnt think I needed at the time but now I treasure those conversations. All these important people that have help mold me into the person I am. I miss the way things were! Life was simple before I understood the way things truly are! While I dont wish to be a kid again, I do wish that I could re-live some moments! I cant wait to see everyone this weekend at my sisters wedding. My family is very important to me! Hope they all are there if they can be! I know there will be alot of family that cant be there. My cousin Ryan is serving in Afghanistan . I know he cant wait to come home and we cant wait for him to be home! So many sweet family members that have already gone to be with the Lord. My Granddaddy, Liam and Tate. I cant even begin to imagine the beauty and wonders that they see! We will miss you more than words could express!
Cricket~

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Kevin James Jones

Today, five years ago I gave birth to the most beautiful little baby boy. He was 8lbs and had a head full of black hair! I remember the first thing I thought when they handed him to me was- how in the world am I supposed to care for this baby. I had no clue what I was doing. Daivd and I had been married 10 months and I had just turned 21. Being a new, young mom was hard! Thankfully I had David. We had to learn how to care for this little life that the Lord entrusted us with. Over the passed five years, he has taught me how to do everything as a mommy, how to fix sippy cups like a pro, how to make boo-boos better, how to find a paci in the middle of the night, because we only have one that is the "right"one, how to discipline, but most importantly how to love unconditionally. As a parent you give everything you have to make them happy and work hard at everything because it makes their life better. I may have looked at him with fear in my eyes that day but I loved him more than anything in the entire world. He has helped mold me as mommy. Thank you Lord for my Kev!








Playing putt-putt





I am so  proud of Kevin! He has really grown up over the last 3 months. He is so protective of his sister and he loves his baby brother Tate. Every night that we say our prayers he never forgets to thank Jesus for his baby brother Tate and that hes happy hes in heaven. It makes me sad to know they wont get to do things in life together but I know we will all see him soon. I pray that Tates testimony continues and helps Kevin grown in life. He is such an amazing son and brother! We couldnt be more proud!

Happy Birthday Kevin

We spent the weekend doing anything and everything Kevin wanted. We played putt-putt Saturday and Sunday we went to the Lake. We are blessed to have 2 aunts who have lake houses with the works. Boats, sea doos, floats and tubes....anything and everything! He had so much fun on the seados and swimming in the lake! I, myself am a little weirded out by the lake water but it was a good weekend for our family!








~Cricket