He shot His arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I DARE to Hope when I remember this: The UNFAILING Love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Lamentations 3:13,19-22

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Todays Appointment!

We had what could be our last appointment today! Thats scary to say! So many emotions came over me today! The end is near but we are trusting the Lord! As David and I drove to our appointment I cried my eyes out! I have been seeing a doctor I love and he was supposed to be out of town! I sat in the chair next to David and I think if you could see my stress level it would be off the charts but then Dr. D walked in the door, instantly I felt better! There is no way of explaining why Dr. D was even in the office today, other than it was the Lords plan! We talk about a lot of things! Tates fluid levels are doing beter! His fliud level is at 23....4 weeks ago it was at 26...25 is the high! Dr. D says every time I come in, hes waiting to see that my blood pressure is up....ITS NOT!!!! He was very shocked to see that Tates weight is so high. Tate is in the 31st percentile, most tri-18 babies are below the 10th! Today in so many ways was hard, but the Lord stepped right in and helped us through it, as He always does!! David and I both are feeling the prayers from others and the amazing hand of God over us! We thank you for your prayers! While we are excited to see what the Lord has in store for our family, we still have alot to think and pray about! Please keep us in your prayers!

Monday, May 30, 2011

So many things to do and to pray about!

Well the month of May is almost over. I cant believe there are only 11 days til Tates due date. There's a lot going on in my head and heart! A friend told me - the Lords plan is already worked out! Its so true and its just what I needed to hear. Im trusting the Lord to do a great miracle! I get sick to my stomach just thinking about how our lives will forever be different in less than 11 DAYS, regardless of the outcome. I cant wait to meet our sweet, baby Tate.

Please pray!!!
The Lord will give us guidance in the decision making and planning between now and delivery.
 That the Lord will remove major decisions from our hands and make His will known
 That the delivery room/recovery will be peaceful and free from stress, anxiety, worry and fear.
 That Tate will make it through delivery! Tates heart will be strong!
That the Lord will bless our choice of doctors and the staff that will be surrounding us.
That the Lord will give us overwhelming peace, strength in any circumstance, now and in the future.
Our family. I know David, the kids and I will go through this alot different than everyone else but I pray our family will be there with us and that the Lord will give them peace and understanding also.

if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Matthew 17:20

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Kevins New Scar!

Well we spent 3 hours in the emergency room last night with Kev! He was in his room playing and he "tried" jumping from his toy box to his bed....obviously that didnt work. He hit the bed rail and busted his head open. I can clean up any kind of throw up or poopy diaper but when it comes to open wounds, I cant do it! Good thing David was home. When David says somethings wrong, I know its bad. We got in the car and headed to the ER. I have a feeling Kevin will be our ER kid! Hes always gonna have a broken something! He ending up not needing stitches. PTL! I couldnt believe that after 3 hours he only got skin glue!!! Im happy he didnt get stitches but why couldnt they just put the glue on there and let us go home. It was a LONG night. We didnt get to bed til 2 AM!!! Allie Faith and I were in the waiting room while David was in the back with Kevin. Let me just tell you, there are some crazy people in that place!  

Hes so proud of his cool scar!! I guess its a boy thing?!?

Monday, May 23, 2011

Tate Update May 23rd

Today we had our check up with Dr. D! I really like him. He's so understanding. I was very nervous about the appointment. As I have said in my last post, I feel some of the doctors have already given up. They see this all the time and the outcome is always the same. I went in this time knowing I was going to get (better) answers and let them know where I stood on everything. After about two and half hours of waiting, the doctor came in and was ready to answer my questions! We have a new due date, June 10th. Its my aunts birthday and my Mimi and Granddaddys anniversary. Dr. D also said that now is when we might start to see  my blood pressure go up. He says their not sure why really, but in most tri-18 cases, it usually has to do with the placenta not being very strong. I told him we havent had an ultrasound to check Tates size in about 6 weeks, so he let me have one today. We talked about the bigger Tate is the better. My tummy measures 37 1/2 weeks. Now that we have a new due, my tummy measures just about on target. HES GROWING! I think that should mean his placenta is better than normal tri-18 cases. He is obviously getting the nutrition he needs. We also talked about fluid levels. The levels could become too dangerous for Tate to stay in the womb, so there is a possibility of us being induced.  So we are going to watch his  fluid levels and my blood pressure levels. Praying they both stay at a good level so Tate can grow as much as possible. We go back in a week. I wont get to see Dr. D again before delivery so I would like to ask that you pray for the doctors we will see. Pray that they are more compassionate to our situation.

Prayer Request:
  • Tates fluid levels stay normal
  • My blood pressure stays normal
  • more compassion from doctors
  • that Tate will continue to grow
  • Tate will come home
  • David is really backed up at work. Hes been going to ALL my appointments with me, he never misses one. He is an amazing man! I dont know what I would do without him. Im starting to see this effect him now. He has been so strong throughout this entire time! Please pray he can get all this work done. I know he worries about work. He wants to do his best at everything and sometimes I feel he just spreads himself too thin. Please pray that when Tate arrives, he wont have to worry about work and can focus on Tate!

What a chunky monkey!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Show Him What It Means To Be Loved

Today I bought Tate an outfit. Its the first one Ive ever bought him myself. How many mothers can say that at 37 weeks, they bought their baby's first outfit? Yes, Ive bought a few things but I havent picked up one thing that didnt have the title of this is his 'last' or his 'only' outfit. I feel like a bad mom for not being more hopeful all those months when we first found out Tate was diagnosed with Tri18. I think over time I have become so much closer to the Lord. I see its the Lord I should trust and not what the world tells me to believe. Yes trisomy 18 in the worlds eyes is "incompatible with life" but to the Lord, He knows no boundary of sickness. He can heal Tate! I believe He can! 
I told David the other night, this unknown is killing me. Then the next day I was having my quite time and in that moment I just thought....if I knew, would I have already given up, would I have this faith in the Lord to do a great miracle, would I STRIVE everyday to do what the Lord wants for my life? I dont think I would. Maybe thats why Tate has been diagnosed with something that is so UNKNOWN..... So that I could grow into a better christian. Lately when we go to the doctors, Ive been feel theyve given up. They see this all the time. No trisomy 18 baby has ever lived( in the cases theyve seen). They have told us not to expect anything more than stillborn, if it is more than stillborn...maybe a few hours at best. I know they are only trying to prepare us, but I feel I have been beaten to the core. I have sleepless nights thinking what Tates last moments will be like. I cant imagine him being born (hopefully he sees me and his daddy ) but that in the next moment being in the arms of the Lord....Think of that for a moment! Its hard to understand! I pray everyday for the wisdom of knowing what to do in that moment! I say "if " its the Lord will to heal him. Im trying very hard to not have any doubt. 
We have to face what the Lord has put in our path and I want to give Him all the glory, REGARDLESS of the outcome. I dont think the Lord says to doubt there is a problem, I think He says not to doubt His ability to fix it. He has given me a peace and strength that I cant explain and sometimes feel do not deserve! He has held my hand throughout this process. I pray Tate does come home, you will not find a happier mommy in the world. I pray that you will pray with us that same prayer, that Tate can come home a LIVE his life. To be surrounded by his family. LIVING In LOVE.
 We have the greatest friends and family that have given us some of the sweet things. I will cherish them forever! Ive been using Kevins hand-me-down to set up Tates little space. I have said how hard its been to pass by all the baby things in the store...well I finally just said IM BUYING TATE SOMETHING! Something that he can wear at home, something that doesnt have anything to do with it being his "last" or "only" title to it. So our family plans for tonight are to eat dinner and go to Babies R Us to buy Tate some socks.
As you do not know the path of the wind,
or how the body is formed in a mother's womb,
so you cannot understand the work of God,
the Maker of all things. Ecclesiates 11:5
These words just encouraged me! To know that there is no way we can possibly understand all that God is working on. Of course we have questions, and we want to understand why things happen the way they do, but this verse, I believe tells us that it not for us to understand, but to trust in Him that He knows what He is doing. 
And thats what we're doing!

Update week 37

We went to Dr. Ks office for our weekly visit Monday. My tummy measures 36 weeks, last week I measured 35 weeks, getting bigger. I pray its Tate getting bigger and not fluid building up. Every week that we go, Tate seems to be growing!  We havent done an ultrasound in a while. I wish I could have more just so I can see him. His heartbeat is still strong. Im telling you, when he kicks and rolls in my tummy, its crazy!! ALWAYS moving! David finally is starting to see and feel my tummy move. It seems Tate is shy, anytime David puts his hand on my tummy Tate stops. I think David just has that calming effect. I dont remember Kevin or Allie Faith ever moving like this. Its very reassuring. I keep waiting for the appointment where they say my tummy has stopped growing...but it hasnt happened yet... I love it! Praise the Lord! We go back next monday! I have been having ALOT of contractions latley. They make me very tired and nervous. I pray he stays put for atleast 3 more weeks! I cant wait to meet him, BUT I want him to grow as much as he can before he makes his debut! Thank you for you prayers!

I just want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all my sweet friends and family that have encouraged us this week. Its been amazing to watch so many people come around us and love us during this time in our lives. As most of you can see I been trying to prepare for Tate a little better. I have had a hard time finding Tate preemie clothes. I posted one thing on facebook and the response of family and friends was incredible. Taking their own time and money to get him something. It truly touches my heart! I will never forget it. Knowing we have SO many people praying for us and praying for Tate the same way we are...there are no words.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Tate Update

Today we had an appointment with Dr. K. Nothing really to report. Which is good! It was a very short appointment. My tummy measures 35 weeks which is only five days behind. Tates heart sounded really good! I feel every time they say that, they say it as if they are surprised. Yes he has two holes in his heart but Tate is a fighter! He is so strong! Believe me, I feel this little boy kick! I had some routine blood work done. The sweetest lady does all the blood work at Dr. K's office. She always remembers me. For some reason I feel I have a forgetful face....anyways I was sitting there waiting on the needle to go in and I guess I held my breath. She just made me laugh because she always has to remind me to breathe. She was writing my info down and told me the sweetest thing and one of the biggest compliments Ive ever received. She told me- Mr. Jones you always have this peace about you. I told her Im just quiet. She said No you can tell when someones quiet but still has alot going on in their life under the surface, youre peaceful. I said well Thank you!! I didnt tell her our situation. I didnt think I could do it without falling apart. I got my paper work and left the room after saying bye. It was nice to be given a compliment especially that compliment. Im not trying to say I have it all together...believe me I dont. I just feel the Lord has given me this peace that I cannot explain. -  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand- Philippians 4:7-
I go back in a week. I will go back every week now until Tate is born. Hoping for a few more ultrasound before then. Thank you for all your prayers. They have helped more than I can say.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Kevins Awana Awards

Two posts in one day wow...Im on a roll!
Kevins got his AWANA awards tonight. We are so proud!  
What is AWANA?

Picture with Tate.

Showing off his vest!

35 Weeks!

35 weeks today!
I have learned so much about the Lord and myself during this time. It unlike anything Ive ever felt!  Im so thankful to have made it this far into pregnancy! This has been a good week! Praise the Lord!
Im trying to have a new outlook on this situation.
1 Peter 5:7 says:
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
I feel so much peace when I read that verse. Im trying very hard to cast my anxiety on HIM. Im trying to realize that I cant do this alone! I know the Lord is with us as we walk this difficult path. I cant change or predict how it will unfold, I can only trust the Lord do what He feels is right! As a mother its hard to let go of some things you feel you can do better for your kids because you love them more than anyone else. The Lord love us more than we can ever imagine. He will do what He feels is right and what He feels is best for our family! Today I feel the weight of His grace and comfort! 

2-Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
The God of All Comfort
3-Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4-who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. 5-For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. 6-If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7-And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1 2-7

"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.
-Mark 11:23

 if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Matthew 17:20