He shot His arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I DARE to Hope when I remember this: The UNFAILING Love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Lamentations 3:13,19-22

Monday, January 31, 2011

Big or Small I'll take it!

The Lord is amazing!!!
We went to see a pediatric cardiologist at UAB today!
We knew this appointment wasnt going to rule out Tri-18 but we we're hopeful for some kind of good news! This appointment was to figure out what kind of heart defect Tate has. Sometimes you can tell if the heart defect is caused by a chromosomal problem or just a normal congenital heart defect. We'll what Tate has is called a AV canal. It is common in a healthy baby and a Trisomy baby. So that didnt really help us know if this was a Tri-18 problem. We always knew that his heart was "fixable". If he doesnt have Tri-18 then he wont have to have surgery til hes 2 months! David and I just went on to ask a few questions and David remembered last week we were told that Tate's heart valves were going the WRONG way. Well this week he said the heart valves going the RIGHT way!!!! I just smiled. I couldnt believe after all this bad news we were finally getting some GOOD news!!!
I prayed before we went in, that the Lord would just give us some kind of good news. I cant take anymore bad! I feel the Lord knows that Ive had my share of bad lately and it was just time to show me that HE IS STILL IN CONTROL and He hears my prayers!
I want someone to tell me prayer doesnt work!!!
I know the Lord is capable of anything! I know we dont have an answer yet with Tri-18 but today I had a good day! One day at a time!!! We now know that instead of heart surgery for Tate within days of his life we can wait til hes 2 months.
Thank you Thank you for all your prayers!!!! Keep them coming!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

How To Let God Solve Your Problems!

I'm reading a book by Charles Stanley called How To Let God Solve Your Problems.

Its as if the Lord put this book in my hand and said read this. This is whats going to help you!
I have been searching my heart trying to "hear" what the Lord wants me to do with this situation. This book is exactly what I needed to read. I have never be more aware of the Lord "speaking" to me. I read it and I feel I cant wait to turn the page. I'm reading about Paul, John, David and Job-all these stories about what they went through and its as if its the first time Ive heard their story. I'm someone who was raised in church and go to church now. I cant believe I feel this way. This doesn't talk on one subject of "problems" you could be going through a completely different situation and feel this book is talking to you.
The back of the book says:
You may be in the midst of an emotional hurricane right now wondering , can anything good come out of this situation?
In How to Let God Solve You Problems, Stanley demonstrates how God allows times of trial for a number of reasons:
  • To turn your attention back toward Him
  • To adjust your priorities
  • to purify and prepare you for greater service
  • To better form you into His image
  • To grant you the experience of His comfort

Ive had some really bad days this week and today I feel so much peace!
I know we have so many wonderful people praying for us and I can feel the peace and comfort.
I took the kids to the park, made lunch, put them down for naps and instead of turning on the tv to watch some decorating show I opened this book. I cant explain what I feel. I guess a peace and understanding of what the Lord is having me see. I may not be all the way there to understanding everything but I have been asking why and its comforting to know the Lord DOES hear me. He wants my time in this situation to be on Him. I pray for more days like this!
We want to thank the people who have written us letters, emails and countless Facebook messages! I didnt know how much they would mean to be until I got them. You think about if I were ever in "that situation" people trying to tell me their thinking of me wont make a difference! But Im here to tell you it does! I cant believe the out pour of love from so many friends, family and people we really dont know that well. Not just on prayers, email, or letters, but on helping us with dinners! Its so amazing and we will never be able to say enough thank yous!

Friday, January 28, 2011

My help comes from the Lord

No, we dont have a diagnosis yet, but Im preparing myself for what we are going through at this time....this moment, this hour, this minute, this second. The unknown! We have so many decisions to make. So many doctors to see. So while we are going through this process I want to draw closer to the Lord. David and I both feel this is something the Lord has given us to deal with and we arent giving ANY credit to the devil for anything other than our doubts and fears.
Last night I broke into my savings jar and went to the LifeWay and Walmart to find a devotional. I found a few actually.


To be honest....I am not someone who can just open a bible and know where to find helpful verses. So I found a few pocket size inspirations. Im hoping when I feel sad and discouraged I can open one of them and just find the Lord. I got a book by Charles Stanley called How To Let God Solve Your Problems. Its a small book only about 150 pages. I am loving this book! I also got a book by Angie Smith called I Will Carry You. I came across this book online when I was doing some research. I wanted to find some christian families who are going through this or have gone through this process. She has a blog called Bring The Rain. She is the wife of Todd Smith. He is a christian singer in the group called Selah. She has a powerful message about the loss of a baby and how she got through it with help from the Lord. Her doctors discovered conditions leaving her daughter "incompatible with life". I havent been able to read it yet. But I went ahead and got it. I also got 2 notebooks. One for doctors appointments. Last week we were told the worst news of our lives and I couldnt remember one thing the doctor told me. So now when I go to doctors appointments I can write it all down. The 2nd one is for my personal thoughts. I got waterproof mascara too. A must!
Once again, I know we havent gotten a diagnosis. But I feel its our job to search our hearts and find what God is tell us. I know the Lord can heal Tate, I will never doubt that. We just want to be prepared. The Lord has a plan and we are trusting that plan. 
That doesnt mean this is going to be hard. There are days I just want to fall apart and ask the Lord Why? Why my child? Why us? I cant begin to explain how or what I feel. This is just something the Lord has lead me to do during this time of unknown!
Trusting the Lord with all our hearts!

We thank you for your prayer! They are really what get me through the day!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Emotionally Numb

I dont even know how to start this blog update....
First of all thank you for your prayers.

Yesterday we went to UAB for an ultrasound. We got to see Tate move around and really aggravate the doctors because he wouldnt be still. I was laying on the table thinking in my mind -wow he really is moving good! I was trying to hear what the tech and the doctor were saying. Thinking I could pick up on what the were saying -was it good or bad? But honestly all the big words were just too much for me to even try. So I just sat there watching Tate squirm around. I felt really good about it all. I really thought nothing was wrong. When they were done I sat up to discuss what they found. I looked at the clock it took them about 40 minutes to get all the info they needed from Tate. The doctor told me that the blood test that I took last monday came back negative for down syndrome. But after looking at the Baby he saw 2 cyst, one on either side of the brain, but they could go away on there own. He found a hole in his heart and that his heart valves are going the wrong way. Its fixable with surgery when hes born. Hes sending me to a pediatric cardiologist Monday. Hes heart is about the size of a penny and he wants someone who is trained in looking at small hearts to tell us what to do next. They will be the ones to do surgery on his heart when hes born. The baby was very small, in about the 25th percentile for his gestational age. He also told us that his hands were clenched. Any of these factors alone would not necessarily be reason for alarm, but taken together they indicated that our son may have trisomy 18—a chromosomal abnormality that causes severe mental and physical problems. Most trisomy-18 babies, he said, die before birth or shortly thereafter.
We were shocked. Neither of us had even heard of trisomy 18. He continued
and clenched his own hand as he explained that the baby's clenched fists were the most telling sign. He added that trisomy 18 is a random event, not caused by anything that I had done or not done.
 I thought to myself, this could not be happening. What did he mean that our baby was going to die if he has this? He'd looked perfectly fine to me on the ultrasound. The ultrasound findings pointed to trisomy 18, but the only way to know for sure was by examining the DNA of cells in my amniotic fluid. The doctor said I could have a amniocentesis as early as that afternoon. But it was up to us. We could go home and think about it. Thats what we decided we would do. He told us that only 1/600 women have miscarriages with an amniocentesis. Back when we thought Tate had Downs I was sure that I would NEVER have an amniocentesis. I didnt care if there was a chance of 1/90000000000 that I would miscarry but this is a different circumstance. Because with Downs it wouldnt matter if he had it or not, he would survive it. BUT with Trisomy 18 he wont survive it and that is something we NEED to prepare for. I want to be able to spend how ever long I have with him in my arms and not have him taken from me to be tested on for something I could have already known he did or didnt have. He wants to continue to see me. I go back to him in 4 weeks. I will see my doctor in about 3 weeks.  Before we left, we made our appointments and I couldnt hardly hold myself together. I didnt want to fall apart in front of everyone. We made it to the elevators and I started to cry and David I think was in pure shock. We finally made it to the car. It was all I could do to stop crying long enough to ask David, WHY?
We dont have any answer's only questions. 
We decided to let this all sink in and pray about what is right.
 I started calling family last night while my parents were here. Some people I could tell without crying and others I would fall apart while telling. Sometimes I feel there is a "correct" way to act while telling people about this. I feel they think I dont care if I not crying. Sometimes Im just emotionally numb. This is something I NEVER, EVER thought would happen to us!
Please continue to pray for a healthy baby!!! I know the Lord can heal him! Ive never and will never doubt that! 
 This is by far the worst thing I could ever imagine happening!

What is Trisomy-18?

Friday, January 21, 2011

Why?


"WHY"


I know alot of people like to say, the Lord would never give you anything you cant handle. You may think how can I deal with this, why me, why now but He knows you better than you know yourself.
The other day I was trying to find something to do to keep my mind of the "what if's". I was scrubbing the bathroom listening to my Christian radio and to Kevin and Allie Faith play. I focused on the sweet thought that this time next year Tate will be here to play with them, but then the devil found his way into my sweet thought. So I prayed: "Lord please help me understand...understand any of this...I know this could be nothing. I know Youre in control of everything! So Please Help Me Understand why this situation"  My thoughts just went from one thing to another. Are we going through this for me, for David, for someone I dont even know? Why me, why my child? It would be easier if it were me but not my child. Then I prayed "Lord please just touch my heart through a song that I can hear so I can sing your praise. I want to know why but I know You know whats best"
As soon as I said that prayer the Lord answered my prayer. The song No Matter What by Kerri Roberts came on. I know the Lord answers prayers but my goodness...That was INSTANT!
The first line in the song was just what I need to hear. It may have caught ME by surprise but NOTHING SURPRISES YOU AND BEFORE A HEARTACHE CAN EVER TOUCH MY LIFE IT HAS TO GO THROUGH YOUR HANDS!
Sometimes when things happen to us we dont understand. Our first instinct is to ask God why. But I think we forget that He already knows and its for us to search our hearts to see what He is having us learn. He knew what my reaction would be and He already knows the outcome. So whatever the Lord has decided for us, we understand it came from Him and we trust Him!  He will never leave our side!


"I’m running back to Your promises one more time
Lord that’s all I can hold on to
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises You
Before a heartache can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why"


Monday, January 17, 2011

Unexpected News


We also got some unexpected news from the doctor today and we are in need of your prayers!
Today after the ultrasound David went to work and my mom took the kids to hang out while I finished up what I thought would be a quick doctors appointment.
When Dr. Simmons came in the room and sat down and I felt very nervous by the look of his face. He is a very upbeat doctor always laughing and singing, but when he came in and sat down I knew something must be wrong. He asked me if I took the down syndrome screening test last month. I told him no that I just decided not to take it this time. He said that was fine but after looking at the ultrasound pictures he felt we needed to go to UAB for further testing. He thinks the baby may have Down Syndrome. I was in shock when he was telling me this. The ONE time I decided not to take the test. It should have been done. Although he said the test isnt as reliable as the testing at UAB. So before I left I took the blood test and it will be 2 weeks before I get those results back. This Wednesday UAB should call for an appointment. Dont know if it will be this week or next.
 Here are the reasons he gave me that made him feel Tate may have Down Syndrome. 1. His head is very small. 2. He couldn't see brain very good and it maybe because it has fluid on it. 3. Hes heart was hard to see on the ultrasound and is small.
So we have been referred to UAB for an ultrasound that should be more conclusive. He told me it could turn out to be nothing but he couldnt rule it out.
After I left his office I called David and I was ok. He asked if this was something we should tell everyone or just keep it to ourselves and usually Im all for keeping stuff private but I said I think what need is going to be prayers from everyone! So he was going to call his parents and I was going to call mine and start a phone tag of telling family. Well on the way to pick up the kids from my mom I started to think of all the things that could go wrong. I started thinking if he does have DS what would his life be like, what would our life as a family be like? I couldn't control the tears. Its hard not to think of the negative and "what ifs".
 I have done nothing but cry all day! Its not that Im upset because of what Im going to have to go through, Im upset because I fear what his life will be like. I will love him no matter what. If he does have Down syndrome it wont matter. He will be loved by all.
 I know it could be nothing but until then I need your prayers!
I know the the Lord works in mysterious ways!

  



We found out we're having a BOY!!!
We couldnt be MORE EXCITED!!!

I know a lot of people ask, How did you come up with that name? Well here was our thought process on naming Baby Boy!!!
We knew we wanted to put David in his name. If this were our last son we wanted him to carry on the name David. David's dad and granddad also had the name David! So this boy will be the fourth generation to carry on the name David and Jones. Its very special to us.
Now that we had David for a middle name. We had to come up with a first name! The hardest part! David is such a dominate name its hard to put anything in front of it!
We went back to a list of baby names we had when I was pregnant with Allie Faith. If Allie had been a boy she would've been named Tate Bennett! I LOVE THAT NAME! But again if this is our last son we wanted David in there. So we have decided on.....
TATE DAVID JONES
Tate was Davids great-grandmothers maiden name.
This baby boys name is so wrapped up in family names...WE LOVE IT!!
Tate-David's great grandmother maiden name
David- fourth generation David
Jones-David is the first son to have children to carry on the wonderful name Jones into the next generation!
Its a very special name to us and WE LOVE IT!!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Boy or Girl

BOY OR GIRL!
Let me know what you think we're having!
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