He shot His arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I DARE to Hope when I remember this: The UNFAILING Love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Lamentations 3:13,19-22

Saturday, April 28, 2012

I want to live like that

I just wanted to share this song and a little "tidbit" about myself. This past year as been anything but easy! I want everyone to know that even though I am sad most days, my heart still has joy. My son is gone.... Theres not much more I can say about how I miss him. I say it over and over, but its feels like it still hasn't reached a point that expresses the fullness of how my hearts longs for heaven; to be with him and my Lord and Savior!
What this song talks about is, Did I live like Christ. Did I give it all I have? God gave me what I asked for. He gave me time with Tate. He gave us a miracle! No doctor or nurse can explain why Tate came back after 4 minutes. I can though, God! I can say I have experienced  the peace that surpasses all understanding.
There are days that I am so lost in my grieve, I want to hold his clenched hands, I want to kiss his face and little toes! BUT let me assure you I will NEVER forget the BLESSING God gave me, the comfort He gave me, the strength He gave me. I will never say I did this on my own. Gods hands are still molding me. I pray that you see that I have joy in the midst of my pain. Even though I smile, I remember the pain... I remember the moment God held my heart and took my son into his arms. That is a pain no one can forget!
I have never once wanted my grieve to over shadow what God has done for me. I have NEVER questioned the sovereignty of God, the UNFAILING love of God or the MIGHTINESS of God! HE is Good! He is FOR US!  I have the Love of God in my mind every second of the day. I pray that you can see that I am not who I was! Is there evidence? Im curious. Have I shown the LOVE of God in my grief? Its something I wonder when I say Im having a hard day. Please know that even on the worst day, I love God and all He has done for me. 

{pause background music}

{Cricket}


5 comments:

Once A Mother said...

Cricket,
I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Tate. I have no words to offer, just a message that across this internet there is a mother remembering Tate with you today, and understanding what you are feeling. Thank you for reaching out and sharing his story with me.
xoxo

Southern Cheesehead said...

I heard this sing twice today and really listened to the lyrics for the first time completely...great stuff and spoke to me so intensely. Thank you for your candor. Still praying for you guys.

Southern Cheesehead said...

That was song not sing

Southern Cheesehead said...

I heard this sing twice today and really listened to the lyrics for the first time completely...great stuff and spoke to me so intensely. Thank you for your candor. Still praying for you guys.

Austin mom of 7 said...

Thank you for sharing your testimony and Tate's life. It has affected me tremendously and impacted my appreciation for each moment with my loved ones. Your faithfulness and steadfastness are a beautiful example. I celebrate Tate's life with you.

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