He shot His arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I DARE to Hope when I remember this: The UNFAILING Love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Lamentations 3:13,19-22

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I feel like its been forever since I've posted anything. I thought I would give an update of whats been going on at the Jones household.
Just to get you up to date....
We've been so busy with life. Life doesnt seem to stop just because your sick or tired, if your grieving or if your happy. It just seems to go right along with or without you.
The past week the kids and I have come down with the flu....and when I say down ... I mean it! I havent felt this sick in a long time. There have been days where I feel Im literally dying! But like I said, life doesnt care about sickness. I still have kids to tend to, a husband to cook for, a house to clean and a son to grieve for. Im so thankful for my amazing husband. He has been wonderful. Cooking, cleaning, bathing kids, and laundry! Im so lucky to have him!
Lets see... what else.....
A couple weeks ago I went to the doctor for a check up. Ive lost about 30 pounds in such a short time, feeling sluggish and exhausted, restless, having a hard time concentrating, my hair has been falling out and Im not sleeping. I thought I was falling into depression. Grieving is hard, hard work. I thought this was all part of it. Come to find out I have low thyroid. I started some meds and Ive been feeling much better. 

 Its getting close to all of Tate's one year moments, but without him. Its really hard to feel like I have to go through it all again. All the memories that should be and all the memories that wont be. 
There are pictures that Ive never seen. We were told that it may take a year to look at some of the pictures. I didnt believe them...well its true. I dont think there is a time marked for each person to look at something so heartbreaking. Im not strong enough...not yet. Im still not ready. They say, time heals all wounds....but it hasnt been long enough. There are days I feel Im still at day one. Day one of Tates diagnoses, his birth, his first breath and his final. 
Having faith that God will give me the strength to do it.  

I guess thats about it. I hope to update more. Kevins spring break is next week....which means it could be awhile before I post again. I have been keeping busy with this. You should check it out. It has really helped my grieving process. 
Until next time.


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