He shot His arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I DARE to Hope when I remember this: The UNFAILING Love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Lamentations 3:13,19-22

Monday, October 10, 2011

Im so tired of trying to make it day to day without Tate. Im so tired of looking in his bed and him not there, Im tired of not sleeping at night because I have empty arms. When Tate was diagnosed with Trisomy 18, I thought, God why? Why us? Why my son? But over time I felt God had given us a peace.  We felt such a peace over everything that happened with my pregnancy, his birth and his 53 days of life, but today as I layed in bed while David took the kids to church, I just thought I HATE THIS! I WANT MY SON BACK! I know he served a great purpose but I WANT HIM!! I lay awake every night thinking of how much I miss Tate. Its an every day struggle to breathe without him. But as I type this out I am BROKEN. This gets harder and harder everyday! I feel we are still walking that valley. I dont know if I coming out of the storm or if still walking through it.
 I am thankful for my wonderful husband. He holds me together when I fall apart. He helps with the kids when I just need to go and cry it out to God. I dont want to think about where I would be without him.
I am a completely different person than who I was before we started this journey.

 There is a time for everything:

1 There is a time for everything,
   and a season for every activity under the heavens:
 2 a time to be born and a time to die,
   a time to plant and a time to uproot,
 3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 6 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
   a time to be silent and a time to speak,  
 8 a time to love and a time to hate,
   a time for war and a time for peace. 
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

 Its my time mourn for my son but its Tates time to DANCE with the angels!



Emily said...

continuing to pray for you and your family often. may God give you comfort and strength to get through each day.

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