He shot His arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I DARE to Hope when I remember this: The UNFAILING Love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Lamentations 3:13,19-22

Sunday, September 25, 2011

One year ago today

One year ago David had a church softball game. He went straight to the game after work. The kids and I stayed home because the game wouldnt be over til late. David called after the game was over to say he was headed home. I told him I had a surprise for him when he got back. When he walked in the door he wasnt really thinking about the surprise, he just kissed me on my check and headed towards the shower.....As soon as he shut the door he said (with a low toned voice) c-r-i-c-k-e-t.... I just sat calmly on the couch as he REopened the door with full force! You see I had left the pregnancy test on the counter. He came in the den where I was just sitting...He had it in his hand, waiting for me to explain. I said "oh yeah..... WE"RE GONNA HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!!!" We were so excited! In the midst of our excitement, we woke the kids! We told them they were getting another baby sister or brother! They as any 1 and 4 year would act...they were happy but ready for bed. We put them back to bed and sat of the couch. We talked for hours about doctors appointments, what we thought the due date was, if it would be a boy or a girl, names, how the kidswould act with a new baby around... everything newly expectant parents talk about! While nothing happened like we thought it would, the Lord blessed us with Tate. No matter how different things turned out, the Lord knew even before I was pregnant, what Tates life would be like!
Its very hard to imagine what this next year will like. All his first without him are going to be extremely hard! But we have faith that the Lord will carry us through them all!

 13 For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book    before one of them came to be. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
   they would outnumber the grains of sand—



Sarahljt3 said...

This breaks my heart. I am so sorry you have to go through this.
Today in church the message was on Philippians 1 where Paul was in prison, and things for him were awful. But he used even his time in prison to share the Gospel. God put him through awful stuff and he proved himself faithful to God. This reminded me of You and David. You are having to go through this indescribably devastating time, and you are using it to share the Gospel through Tate's story! He has touched so many, especially me. I know God is honored by your faithfulness. I hate this for you, but I am praying everyday. I am always here if you need me for anything. Lean on His everlasting arms. He will never leave you or forsake you Cricket <3

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