He shot His arrows deep into my heart. The thought of my suffering and hopelessness is bitter beyond words. I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. YET I DARE to Hope when I remember this: The UNFAILING Love of the Lord NEVER ENDS! By His mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Lamentations 3:13,19-22

Thursday, April 7, 2011

My trip to the moon!

Today we had two appointments. 1st- was with a neonatologist to discuss our birth plan... 2nd- was with our regular doctor, Dr. K. Our appointment with Dr. Phillips (neonatologist) went very well.  Dr. K just wanted us to talk to him so that the everyone that will care for Tate understands our wishes.
Today 10 babies were born so Dr. K was busy so we saw Dr. D. We waited and waited and waited...FINALLY we saw Dr. D. We talked about the contractions Ive been having. I was sure
they were gonna be put on some kind of bed rest...Praise the Lord they didnt! I just need to take it easy!
We will see Dr. K or Dr. D every two weeks now.
I asked him when will we start having ultrasounds. We were told that
we would have an ultrasound every other appointment just to check if there are any changes.
He offered to do one today because it was already 4:30 and we wouldnt have to wait too long.
I JUMPED on that opportunity!
We went into the dark ultrasound room and I layed on the table. The ultrasound tech was the same lady who help with
our amnio. She is the most gentle ultrasound tech Ive ever had! 
She put the jelly on my tummy and we watched as our little boy popped up on the screen. 
I had tears in my eyes just watching him. She started looking at all his measurements. We were talking about how he had been diagnosed
with Trisomy 18. She said she hadnt looked at our chart but noticed some things looked a little different.
I told her he had 2 holes in his heart, cysts on his brain, clenched fist, and was small.
She went on to show us that his head was already down.
I asked how the cyst looked.
She said....The cyst were GONE!!
We knew that the cyst could  go away.... AND THEY DID! Praise be to GOD!
It doesn't change his diagnosis but my hope becomes so much stronger when I get this kind of news.
One of my favorite verses is Psalm 61:2
From the end of the earth will I cry to you, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that higher than I
I have been so overwhelmed by all that has happened and all the planning we've had to do. It feels like Im drowning but today
I feel Lord led me to a rock that was higher than I! It is an AMAZING feeling!
After she did all her measurements...I thought we were done. I was thinking I could look at his little profile picture all day...then all the sudden she clicked on the 4D ultrasound! I saw his face... I saw all his little features...his lips, his nose, his eyes and his little hands
I just broke down! She said she was sorry and that she could take it off if it was too much and I told her no that it
was perfect! There are no words to describe what I felt at that moment! All I thought was thank you Lord! Prayer works!
I think the Lord knows I needed this!
I was so happy to see Tate on a plain ultrasound but to see him on a 4D ultrasound and see all his little features was...
AMAZING! I serve an AWESOME God! Even though this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and there are some days I dont
know how to get to the next minute, as if Im walking in a fog, the Lord wraps me in His loving arms and gives me strength!
My hope and strength is in the Lord! I will have hope that Tate can be healed until the time comes to think otherwise.
I have been so emotionally tired that its hard to think clearly some days but 
today was a good day!

While everyday has tears...today they were happy tears!
Here is the little boy who has changed my life! All 2 pounds and 9 ounces of him!

He looks so happy.
Isnt he BEAUTIFUL!!!


Cindy Jones said...

Yes he is beautiful! I love the first picture. It looks like he is thinking about what to do next to surprise everyone.

Casey said...

He is So incredibly Handsome!!!! I'm so glad you got to do the 4D ultrasound. It's such a great way to bond even tighter with this amazing baby that God is knitting together in you. Your family is all beautiful and I love hearing your heart and watching you celebrate Tate's sweet life!!!

Laine said...

He IS beautiful and PERFECT!! Praising God for healing those cysts and continuing to pray for more miracles, Cricket!!!!!!! We do not stop praying.....

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